Solution Beyond the Last Barrier of Fear

As evident from the last few articles, I have been trying to figure out why I write and what made me walk away from the empty success I had at work. But the question still remains – “What the hell am I even doing with my life?” I would tell you all about it today but before that happens, we need go back to the start of this year.

In January, I was looking for a job (again) because nothing had worked out for me over the last two years. My mother urged me to go back to work as she couldn’t see me stuck anymore. She cared for me and her worries were reasonable, so I listened to the reason and began my job hunt … only to find out over the next two months that I was wrong (yet again).

Because her worries were not the reason. My fear was.

I gave into the fear that nothing could work anymore since nothing had worked so far.

I gave into the fear that my old job was the only means for any future ahead.

I gave into the fear that my writing could not help me create a career.

And to tell you the truth, this ‘career’ thing is the biggest fear grabbing all of us by the neck all the time. We always keep asking stupid questions like ‘what would happen to our career if …?’ and this question arises from fear, the fear of unknown. Even I was trying to build a career out of my writing over the last two years, and now I can see that it’s exactly why it didn’t work out.

I wasn’t writing. I was looking for a career through writing.

Over the last two years, I learned how to write and publish a book in addition to pursuing my postgraduate. I even wrote and published one. But given my academic background in engineering and psychology, the book I wrote (something on physics) was academic only. Out of the coding career, my next goal automatically became building a career by selling that book as soon as I could. But, neither the process nor the book itself was any fun (even to me), so I unpublished it.

And this meaningless facade, I could finally stop in March this year. I stopped all these pathetic attempts of looking for or building a career … because it’s just not real. It’s only fear. But what about the money, you might ask! … It’s true that I don’t know how to make it yet, but trying to make money had not helped me anyways during the last two years, so I shifted to a different approach three months ago.

And the approach was to just let it go and live for a while.

When I did that, I could finally put up this blog website and write something real. And right now, I am working on my first novel (trust me, the story will blow your mind). In the end, I am writing for the love of writing and not due to the fear of career … and this is what I could consider a new beginning for me.

After having witnessed the ill-spells of ‘fear’ in the recent life, and having overcome them to arrive at something meaningful for myself, I can say that ‘fear’ of any kind is your worst enemy, that it is the only thing that is getting in the way of what is truly meant for you. So, watch out and stay hopeful. Goodluck!

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Thanks for understanding,

from Khavi Darpan.