No Marriage: Maturity or Cowardice


There are a lot of cases today where people are comfortable dating and having relationships with each other, but they get cold feet when it comes to marriage. They are educated people with stable careers and good family backgrounds. And yet, they walk away from the prospect of marriage due to one of the following reasons cooking up in their heads:

  • The relationship is going well, why do we need to get married?
  • I’m not sure if I’m ready.
  • I love my freedom and I can’t compromise it for a marriage.
  • I want to explore my life (secretly thinking about ‘options’ instead).
  • My parents won’t accept us being together (you know the ‘inter-caste’ thing).
  • Marriage is a trap. I don’t want all that bullshit!

I’m sure you must have heard some of them and probably many more that I can’t even list here. But if we give it another thought, we’ll find that they are closer to being an ‘excuse’ than any ‘genuine concern.’ Let me show you how:

  • If the relationship is really going well, why not get married? …Are you waiting for a disaster or a breakup? Because if you are hoping for one, then it shall happen. You know how those ‘manifestation’ things work! So, why not look on the positive side instead?
  • You are not ready for marriage? …But you have been more than enthusiastic for all the free sex for the last 3 years. And you seemed very sure about it. But now you say no to your partner. Isn’t that unfair? More like cowardice!
  • The freedom lover! …Who told you marriage meant losing your freedom? Unless, by ‘freedom’ you understand something that demands you to hide things from your partner.
  • Oh, the explorer! …It’s marriage, not a death sentence. You get to explore new people, new places, and new culture through your lover’s family. Isn’t that exploring life? Or, does ‘exploration’ mean something else to you?
  • And the parent problem! …Did you ask for your parent’s permission before initiating such an intimate relationship? No, right! So, why now?
  • Marriage could feel like a trap if you have only seen bad marriages around you while growing up. But you also see people dying all the time. However, that never stopped you from wanting to live another day.

My dear friend, I know you are uncertain about future, about people, and about a lot of other things. They have possibly made you believe that marriage only brings misery. But that’s a belief, not fact.

Moreover, you would not be making such excuses if you really loved the person you are dating. The doubts only appear in an undevoted, unresolved heart. So, ask yourself if you even love them, because the question is no longer whether you want to get married or not. The question is “do you love them enough to see them forever and grow old together?”

If the answer is ‘no’, it’s understandable why you run away from marriage. And it’s because you were never in love in the first place.

But if the answer is ‘yes’ then unfortunately, you don’t believe in it enough to ignore the people that stand against you. Yes, I am talking about your family and friends who keep talking you out of marriage with ‘that’ person, the ones who keep counting all the negatives in your relationship. You accept all those voices coming from outside while rejecting the one true voice speaking from within.

Why do you do that?

Are you afraid of people? Of marriage? Or the responsibilities that come with such a commitment?

If yes, then I must say that you have most probably mistaken marriage for something it isn’t.

But hey, no problem. We’ll discuss what it truly is, and what a good marriage looks like, in the next article. Until then, let’s do some self-reflection and figure out what excuses you (and also your partner) might be making in other areas of life because life, my friend, isn’t as tough as you think it is.

And marriage. It isn’t as ugly as the people around you profess.

...

Thanks for reading,

from Khavi Darpan.

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