The Abuse of Experience

The fast modern world. Easier access. More options.

Things didn’t work out, so you took a stand and boldly said, “I will not be a part of your journey anymore.” It was the mature thing to do. But things never worked out with the last person and even with the one that came before. However, you were smart enough to take a stand and move on, treating yourself as the victim and your ex as the villain.

In your heart, you are the righteous one. The one who tried but the other just never saw it. It might be the case, but just think about them once more and ask yourself the following:

1. What was their favorite color? Favorite food? Favorite movie?
• Don’t remember! You aren’t the victim, they were.
2. Did I ever put my work aside and took a week day off just to spend time with them? Or was it always the weekends?
• The weekends! You aren’t the victim, they were.
3. Did I let them befriend my friends? Or just had them for myself?
• No common friends! You aren’t the victim, they were.
4. Did I seek equality with them?
• Yes! You aren’t the victim, they were. And it’s simply because love demands surrender, not equality!
5. Did I invite them in my world? Or, did I accept their invitation into their world?
• No! You aren’t the victim, they were. And you were just dating for fun, for your needs.

And then there you are. Sitting across yet another person in yet another Café, meeting them for the first time, exploring the unknown, explaining them how you were the victim, and throwing the bone they’ll bite for sure because, of course, you have a lot of experience.

See, this is where the so-called ‘options’, ‘equality’, and ‘freedom’ have brought us. If all of them were really the villains, why go out to meet the next? Why make your life hellish yet again?

You could just admit who you are and ease your pain. That you are the villain looking for your next victim. Perhaps, your ego doesn’t allow for this. Every single time you emerge righteous as you were only looking for the one who’d be loyal, loving, and caring to you. But did you ever wonder if you brought the same qualities to the table?

Since you are the righteous one, you’ll say yes even if it’s not true.

Can you instead blame yourself?

Can you curse yourself?

Can you pray for the other and ruin yourself?

Or, you are going to stay the same! … The righteous one. The one with freedom. Free to explore and exploit, free to take and move on, free to curse their ex because no one’s ever going to know if you were indeed the victim ... or they were.

There is an innocent movie, Thai Massage. It depicts what righteousness looks like. A romantic man in 70s having looked after his paralyzed wife for 22 years could not bring himself to sleep with a sex worker after his wife passed away. Even when he so wanted to experience the embrace one last time, he gave up on the opportunity and admitted what was true to him. No emotion, no action.

And then, there are progressive people of modern world who live by another motto – “First action, later we’ll manage emotion.”

These progressive people can be really good with such management.

Are you one of them?

The progressive one!

The one with experience.

The one who abuses their experience.

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Shhh! ... Don’t let me know.

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Khavi Darpan.